Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You work out of a Hotel?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
