So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
