we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
nutella sex= disaster
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
