Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
