I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
