He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
