I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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