imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
