I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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