K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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