i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
