Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
