Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
