who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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