U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
