Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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