His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You are a genius and a whore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
