We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
