she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
