i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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