Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
