I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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