you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
