I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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