you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
