You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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