Are we in a gay sports bar?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
