i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
