ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
