What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
