I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You smell like stripper and shame
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
