I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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