I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
