Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
