Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
