I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
