i think i have herpe
just one?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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