because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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