He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
