i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
