Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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