i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
