Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
