If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
