By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
