Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
