I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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