my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
