First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
