do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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