look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
