Who wears a wallet chain?!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
