Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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